I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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