I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
