question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drake has all the answers
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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