Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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