so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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