Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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