Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
