it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize