I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
