Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
