and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
