I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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