I wanna bring you to show and tell
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
