I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
