you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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