I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
