So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
