this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize