i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
