Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
