youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
