today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
