Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
