Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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