I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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