It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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