and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
