went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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