I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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