Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
