I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
