my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
