If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
