well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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