I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
