summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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