you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
