im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize