Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
