This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
