Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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