My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
