i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
