508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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