Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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