After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
