I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
