your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
