Betty ford says i'm here all night
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
