I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize