Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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