He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
