he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
