I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Houston, we have a squirter
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
