Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They took my balls.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
