no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
