She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
