shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
