I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
