I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
