Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
