he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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