That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
