i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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