How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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