Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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