You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
