Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel great
I just peed on a car
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
