You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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