I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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