You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
