in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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