Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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