I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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