Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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