dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
