He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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