My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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