i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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