Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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