the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
