He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
