my phone needs a breathalizer
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
