Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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