Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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