At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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