and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Pappa wants mamma naked
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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