Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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