Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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