And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i dont even know how to be here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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