Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
