there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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