Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
