I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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