I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
