Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
