If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
