i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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