Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
