just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
