Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think people are normalizing furries
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize