this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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