worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
