Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
